Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The Truth About Pregnancy

Being pregnant sucks.

OK, let me back up. Being pregnant is an amazing miracle and a total gift from God. Think back to health class when you learned about conception….if you don’t remember, look it up or watch this video (http://www.babycenter.com/2_video_10354435.bc)! It is simply mind-blowing that people are able to reproduce at all. Everything that happens in there to create a baby is truly miraculous.

With that being said, being pregnant sucks.

There are those people who say, “I loved being pregnant. I had such an easy pregnancy. I’m going to miss being pregnant.” Bull-honkey! I don’t buy it for one minute. Sure, there may be aspects of pregnancy that you will miss, and parts that you loved, and maybe compared to everyone else your pregnancy was easy…but you cannot tell me that you loved and will miss 100% of the experience.
And here’s why…

*Disclaimer*
If you get weirded out by reading too much personal information, maybe stop reading this post now. However, if you’ve ever been pregnant—you’ll think this is funny and if you ever plan on getting pregnant—this is something you should know beforehand because it’s the crap no one tells you.

Everyone has heard of morning sickness. I, thankfully, did not have to experience morning sickness. So, there’s really not much I can say on the topic except that I’ve heard it is awful and that “morning” really has nothing to do with it because it can hit at any time of day or night and linger for days or weeks or months at a time. I’m also not going to bore you with food cravings and aversions because from what I can tell there is absolutely NO rhyme or reason to what you do or do not want to eat.

The things I do have personal experience with are as follows:

-Sore boobs are a common PMS symptom, one I never really dealt with and therefore was my first sign of being pregnant. I don’t really know what sore PMS boobs feel like but I can tell you that sore preggo boobs hurt like the dickens. They hurt with a bra on, they hurt with a bra off, they hurt if they’re touched, and they hurt if you look at them. AND, God forbid a gust of cold air blows through….it feels as if your nipples are being stabbed by thousands of tiny knives.

-Pregnancy can cause you to be plugged up and not in your nose…if you know what I mean (although a stuffy nose is another common side effect). At first this sounds like a lovely break from the bathroom until you get so bloated and start to hurt. Let me also note that when it is finally time to get unplugged, it doesn’t matter if you’re at work, at the grocery store or on a walk three miles from home you’d better drop what you’re doing and find a bathroom  FAST because there is no stopping what is coming! And if you are able to stop it you might miss your chance and not be able to “start” it again for days.
Hey, I warned you about TMI.

-Fun fact: when you are preggo you produce higher levels of progesterone which causes your smooth muscle tissue to relax, including your gastrointestinal tract which slows down digestion (thank you babycenter.com). This digestion slowing is what causes that fun side effect above but also adds a splash of gas to the mix.
I have been very lucky and haven’t had any issues in the southern region but I will admit that I now burp like a frat boy, which is actually pretty hysterical and awesome because until about a year ago I couldn’t burp at all (true story).  As fun as it is to belch louder than my husband, these burps sometimes appear unannounced and have even said “hello” mid-sentence which is a huge inconvenience at work.

-If I had a dollar for every time I’ve said “I am so tired” these past 14 weeks I would be able to buy the new mom-car that I want. We’ve all been tired before but this is a whole ‘nother level. This isn’t a “I shouldn’t have stayed up so late playing Draw Something” kind of tired. Oh no. This is a “I went to bed at 7:30pm, woke up at 8:00am and need to go to my car for a nap during lunch” kind of tired

-Finally, the hormones….oh the hormones. We all know girls are nuts. And we all know that once a month girls are even more nuts. But what happens to your typical nuttiness during pregnancy is no joke. You’ve heard of pregnant ladies crying non-stop or being huge jerks to their friends, families and, of course, husbands but until you actually experience it, you really just don’t know.

As with everything else in pregnancy women all experience different levels of different side effects and I feel as though I have been pretty good in terms of hormones (my husband may disagree). BUT, with that being said, I’ve had my moments. Exhibit A: It was a rare night when I actually had enough energy to do laundry. I went to get the whites out of the “whites basket” and found two of my husband’s black socks. I immediately sent him a snotty text message (homeboy was lucky he wasn’t home this night):
Not knowing the system was a crock of shit because I carefully explained how I wanted the laundry organized when I bought the three-compartment hamper. I then threw my phone, screamed that he never listens to me and then proceeded to cry and complete zero laundry. Thankfully, I was asleep by the time Jason got home so I saved myself the embarrassment of getting so worked up over something SO incredibly stupid.

Last week I cried at work because my cottage cheese had expired.
Enough said. 

I will happily share my craziness if it helps other preggos feel a little less crazy.


33 comments:

P!nky said...

OH my......yeah, I'm glad pregnancy is a WAAAAAAAAYS down the road!!!

I appreciate how candid you are with this update, it's funny to read and interesting to think about.

Like I said before, you are glowing in your pictures missy!

xoxo

*LO* said...

hey! i must admit, this post is very candid, but like P!nky said, its appreciated! my husband and I are starting to think about trying and this post just brings a smile to my face, knowing full well what I would be getting myself into. But just keep thinking, it's all worth it in the end :-)

Schnelle said...

Thanks for laying it all out on the line for those of us who haven't experienced pregnancy yet. I've learned quite a few things from my friend when she was preggo too. I hope it gets better for you, I really do! BUT it will all be well worth it in the end so just focus on getting the baby's room together, and picking out super cute baby items for the meantime.

Bethany Scruggs said...

This is THE greatest post... EVER. I am sending it to my husband right now!

Kelly said...

Ohhhh Kristin ;-) This post was so sweet. I have half a mind to bring you a carton of new cottage cheese tonight (!!!) Hahah ;-) If I'm THIS emotional NOT pregnant, I can't even imagine what I will be like when I am... Hang in there!!

Ashley said...

Amen. Haha! I was thinking about posting something like this down the road...yes it is great, but it does SUCK at times too!

Caroline said...

Eat lots and lots of fruit. It helps. I promise!

Caroline said...

Eat lots and lots of fruit. It helps. I promise!

dottie said...

Yep, pretty much sums it up!

I was definitely NOT one of those "glowing" preggo women. I had cankles the size of Lake Minnetonka. It was sick. Just hang on for the ride, it will definitely have the ups and downs. I was sooo emotional.

Post postpartum is no walk in the park either. I was just as crazy after my babies were born.

Crazy story #1, I cut my own hair, after a shower because my boobs sprayed breast milk all over my legs (yes I'll give them suckers their own identity) when I was bent over trying to dry myself off. Yes, I cut my own hair while bawling, saying how ugly I was.

Don't worry, its all normal. Just don't cut your own hair! Ever. And your not ugly either. Remember those 2 things. Stupid hormones.

I promise you, it's the most rewarding job you'll ever have, that crazy Motherhood. Hardest job, but definitely the most rewarding.

Sarah said...

I love this post! It is so true! Way to put it out there girl!!

Carolyn said...

I know this post shouldn't make me happy, but it does. So sue me. :) I love you and your swollen & painful boobies, your feelings for two, your no pooping and your extreme tiredness. And that's what Beebs are for.

Stephanie said...

Oh God girl. THank YOU for keepin' it real. I don't know HOW on earth women say they "miss being pregnant"?? What??

Anywho-this is just short term and there IS a finish line so just keep your eye on the prize lovebug!! You can do it and it'll all be a faint memory before you know it! xoxo

Jessica said...

OMG ALL OF THIS IS SO TRUE I HAVE TO TALK IN ALL CAPS!!! I was getting the nursery ready one night and I started a screaming match with Kevin over ... paint? I think? It was awful and you can't stop it.

Bridget said...

Very interesting! I seriously laughed out loud when I saw that you cried because your cottage cheese had expired...sounds like something I would do! And in all honesty...I look forward to the day I can experience all these things! Some day in the near future we will be trying and I hope I am blessed with a miracle!

Nikki said...

FIRST of all I LOVE the Bull-honkey!

Secondly thanks for keeping it real!

Third you are a strong woman who will get through this pregnancy like a champ!

Sheryl said...

I can't agree with you more! Being prego sucks... We're are almost done with the 2nd go 'round. I (thankfully) have 6 weeks left and can't wait to pop this kid out. If you think now sucks, I'm sorry to say but it only gets worse when you "don't have any more room in your body for anything else". I'm constantly saying "WTF where we thinking?"

agalandherdog said...

Haha, amen to this. I'm just glad I've moved past the morning sickness months, because those were MISERABLE!

Britni Kesselring said...

I have to admit I LOVE this post because I'm feeling the same things as you. I didn't have morning sickness either but the hormones are enough for me to deal with.. I just have to remind myself and my husband I will eventually be back to my normal self.

I still have to take a nap at least once a week to make it through the day, it has gotten better but still miss my energy.

Here's to us enjoying the rest of pregnancy!

kristen said...

I LOVE YOU. Enough said!

Katie said...

I'M SERIOUSLY LOLING RIGHT NOW. God love you!!!!!!! You have me cracking up. Seriously, best post yet.

Idk if my fav part is the texting convo where Jason says "I don't really know the system" or you saying "when I bought the 3 compartment hamper" it does NOT matter what hamper you buy--men will NOT get it.

oh and nipples stabbed by knives?!? SO much to look forward to.

Lindsay said...

This cracks me up!!! I'm so glad that you're being honest! I've been thinking about pregnancy a lot lately and I'm glad to know the TRUTH about what to expect!

Melissa said...

Oh man, laughing so hard right now! I can tell you that once you have the baby and recover from all the post-partum fun you DO actually forget about all this stuff. I had forgotten....well, until I read this post. Now I'm questioning having a second kid someday. haha, not really! Soon you will start to feel baby moving and it will make all this crap seem worth it :)

Young and Fabulous said...

OH KRISTIN!!! i just want to hug you!

crying over cottage cheese! i hope you are doing okay my lil darlin!

the laundry thing killed me. HAHAHAH love it!

just think...pretty soon your lil bundle will be snug as a bug in your arms and youll be like pregnancy whaaa?!?! and forget about gassy nights crying over cottage cheese :-)

muah!! <3 <3

Jenna E said...

LOL You are going to hate me but I LOVE BEING PREGNANT. The first trimester was awful, I will admit that. But second was amazing and the third isn't so bad at all.
My boobs could stop growing at any time though, when my milk comes in they are going to be disgusting!!

Gina said...

HAHA. This is a great post! Luckily I've only had to deal with the boob issue and being super tired in the beginning. Let me tell you... I have no clue why people want implants. I now feel like one of "those" girls with the size my girls are growing to.

ajs {of MN} said...

hahaha! you crack me up and you are going to hate me b/c for real... i seriously really did LOVE being pregnant and i DO miss it! i can't wait to do it all over again. i loved the burps by husband did not- he said they sounded like a garbage disposal, hahahaha! i told they would end after i had the baby and they did. so funny. i didn't comment to make you roll your eyes at me {hehe} but i had a SUPER easy and VERY uneventful pregnancy, the last month got tough and uncomfy so ok ok ok, i dont miss that and didn't love it but i felt the best i have EVER felt in my life when i was pregnant- it's the pre-mommy high! i am still on a mommy high but i feel like i am ALWAYS behind, unorganized and find/see no getting back to my organized and caught up ways. great post chica!

Shalyn said...

COTTAGE CHEESE? OMGGG I was cracking up during this whole freaking post. I love you! HAHAHAHAHA! I can't wait for Baby Bee to get here. He/She will be worth it. But in all seriousness...I can send you some cottage cheese.

Adore you.

Ruthie Hart said...

hahahha I love TMI!!! Poor husby!

storiesfromatx.com said...

My biggest complaint so far has been that I'm too tired to care about anything. I don't care that my digestive system is messed up, I don't care that my boobs hurt, I don't care that I have morning sickness, ALL I WANT IS A DAMN NAP. ALL THE TIME.

Kristen said...

this is hilarious!! i loved this post, keep them coming as things change :D

Nicole-Lynn said...

lol you crack me up! So this is what I have to look forward to or should I say my husband has to look forward to? :)

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