Monday, November 12, 2012

Past Due. Update.

What an emotional roller coaster the past few days have been. As you all know my due date was last Thursday, November 8th. While I've obviously known this entire time that the due date was just a guess, it's still that ONE day you have in your mind for the entire 9 months. And when you watch it come and's hard. 

I really think doctors should give women a due time period with like a two week window, the one date flashing in your mind constantly can really drive a person mad. And it definitely drove me mad. 

Thursday and Friday were really, really hard days for me. I hadn't slept at all because I was so anxious, add the crazy hormones to the exhaustion, sprinkle on some serious discomfort and you've got yourself one hot mess of a person. ME. 

I cried on and off for all of Thursday and all of Friday. I didn’t go into work on Friday because I couldn’t keep myself together long enough to be professional. Not because I was sad the baby hadn't come but because I felt like a failure. I felt like I should be so happy and excited to meet my little girl, but I wasn't. I was anxious, the anticipation was killing me. Sitting and waiting for the worst pain of your life to start is a very strange thing. 

Then came all of the text messages. It was so incredibly heartwarming to get SO many messages from friends and family checking on me and the baby and wishing me a happy due date but it actually made everything worse. I started to feel like a watched pot. There are so many people so excited to meet this little girl and I began to feel like it was my fault that they hadn't. Not to mention I'm pretty amped about meeting her myself. 

Then there’s all the suggestions…Go for a walk. Bounce on a ball. Have sex. Eat spicy food. Eat pineapple. Drink special tea. Like it's just that easy.

I tried it all people…none of it works. 

On top of that, my sister-in-law, Nicole (Jason’s sister) flew in from Florida. She knew when she booked the ticket that there was a chance the baby could come late, but we all figured she wouldn’t be this late (Nicole left today). I started putting all this pressure on myself to get her here while Nicole was in town. I felt AWFUL that Nicole took time off of work and spent money on a plane ticket and may not be here to meet her Goddaughter. 

I was trying so hard to fix my mood, to be happy and excited, to not worry, to be thankful that I had a healthy full term baby growing inside of me. But for whatever reason, I just needed to be scared, sad and cry. And let me tell all you girls out there...that's OK

I spent an entire day alone (well, of course the puggle was there), in my bed sleeping and crying. I got it all out of my system and then stopped beating myself up. It was exactly what I needed and I found a new attitude. I woke up on Saturday feeling great. Jason and I had a wonderful weekend and while I was still impatient and still feeling anxious, I was able to go more than 10 minutes without crying.

I had a doctor’s appointment scheduled for this coming Wednesday, but after the weekend I knew I couldn’t wait that long to go in. Luckily, my doctor was able to get me in this morning…and here is where we stand:

I am currently 3 centimeters dilated and 75% effaced!
Major excitement after being just 1 cm and 60% for the past three weeks.

My doctor doesn’t let patients go past 41 weeks because of the possible health risks to mom and baby. Because I am just days away from being 41 weeks, she wanted me to get a biophysical ultrasound to check the status of the baby. Basically they check a bunch of different things (heart rate, breathing, movement, amniotic fluid, placenta, etc), there is an 8 point scale and the baby has 30 minutes to complete all the things they’re checking for. If there are any concerns or the baby is in distress, induction or C-section happens right away.

Thankfully my little Nugget scored a perfect 8/8. She is doing great in there, which is probably why she hasn’t wanted to come out. So there are no concerns in terms of her staying put for a few more days. BUT because I am 41 weeks on Thursday I had to schedule an induction…something I’ve desperately wanted to avoid.

I decided to let my doctor strip my membranes to try and get labor going more naturally. If that doesn’t work I will go in sometime on Thursday to be induced. The one great thing about having to be induced is that my doctor is the doctor on staff at the hospital on Thursday. SO, at least I would have her there with me.

Giving birth naturally is really important to me and while there is nothing natural about Pitocin, I have to trust my doctor and do everything I can to get through a Pitocin-induced birth without pain medication. That is, if she doesn’t come on her own in the next two days….which PLEASE pray that she does!

Overall, I feel relieved. So very relieved. Being induced is not ideal but there is an end in sight. No matter what, my baby will be here by the end of the week.

Thank you all so much for checking in on me and for all your sweet words.
I’m sorry if I was crabby with any of you last week. J



Kelly B. said...

I hear you with the "D-Day stress".. kind of why I didn't tell a soul about bar results, because people asking me if I was nervous, excited, or texting me the day OF would have (and the FEW that did knew, and did) made me lose my marbles. I can imagine for BABY it's way more stressful! And you can't really spend 9 months telling people you're not telling them your due date. hahah. Hopefully she makes her appearance sooner, rather than later, but looking forward to the update either way!

Nicole-Lynn said...

I'm sorry you were feeling anxious and sad! I wish we lived closer so I could just let you vent (well you could, if you ever wanted to call me!). I can only imagine feeling the way you feel... so many emotions running through you! Don't feel guilty or upset about it being your fault the baby isn't here yet. She'll be here in due time (no pun intended). Hang in there, girl! I've been thinking of you and praying for you! xo

Schnelle said...

Oh I can realte to you! I'm having a bit of an emotional day too (but mine are due to my testing numbers not being perfect). A good cry is becoming all to familiar for me as well and I can totally see myself going through what you are right now. So glad to hear that she is happy and healthy in there though:) Induction and pitocin are 2 words that I don't want to hear either but I it sounds like you are in good care so I wish you the best of luck!!!! Hang in there:)

Caroline said...

Hang in there, sweet friend. Maybe she's just cold and likes your cozy belly! :) She'll come when it's her time and her own way. In the meantime, enjoy the last few hours of a family of three!!!

Stephanie said...

Love you cousin! Hang in there, your precious baby girl will be here soon! xoxoxo

Carolyn said...

You know I'm here Beeb, and I'm so glad you're doing better! Hopefully Nugget stops being stubborn and comes out before you need to be induced!

Catalyn H said...

Hoping she gets here soon!

Anonymous said...

Awww kris I love u and just happy she is healthy n u are healthy and both doing great. I will meet her via Skype n then Christmas. Thanks again and love u.
Muuahz xoxxo

Tickled Pink said...

Oh girl, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine having to wait this long.Just imagine how wonderful it is going to be when you have that sweet girl in your arms!! Thinking of you and praying for her speedy arrival!

Bridget said...

Glad to hear the nugget scored a perfect 8/8. I pray she comes before you have to induced. The stripping of the membranes worked for my BFF when she had her first so fingers crossed it works for you. T&P

Kelly McD. said...

Love you, girlfriend!!!! XOXOXO

Laura Darling said...

I'm so sorry you have had such a rough week! :-(

Candace said...

GIrl I was so HERE. I am crying for you. Seems like just the other day. But have faith it will be over soon and that beautiful baby will be in your arms. I'll be praying for you guys:)

ajs {of MN} said...

you are going to be a GREAT mommy! there is light at the end of the tunnel... relax as MUCH as possible! baby will be here SOON! so excited for you and your family! :)

Erin said...

Just keep focusing on the fact that one way or another you will be holding your beautiful, healthy baby girl this week :) THIS WEEK :) And all those people who are anxious to see her and just happy that you and baby are both healthy and doing great!!! *HUGS*

Kristen said...

awwww you poor thing! only a matter of time now! i'm so excited for you!

Taylor said...

Praying, praying, praying for you sweet girl. I know exactly how you feel, my baby girl was exactly a week late and I had to be induced. Everything went just fine and she is a healthy, thriving almost 6 year old now!! I'll be praying for calmed nerves, comfort & for that sweet nugget to come on her own today or tomorrow!! Sending hugs!

J and A said...

Glad you are doing better. I can only imagine how hard that was/is for you. I'm sorry! But just enjoy these last hours. Thinking of you!!

Katie said...

aw girl, I can totally see how stressful that would be. So sorry. Your girl will be here asap. Please clear something up with you wanted to do it naturally with no epidural no meds etc? and now you have to do pitocin or whateveR? what does that mean?

I will pray for you! xo

Amber said...

Those last few weeks/days seem so grueling. I totally get it! I was 5 cm and 90% effaced for THREE freaking weeks with the twins and then had to be induced anyways. Go figure. Both my daughter and the twins were pitocin inductions and while the contractions are killer, don't think of yourself as any less because of an induction. It's still "natural" and your body will know how to handle it. Good luck, can't wait to hear your good news!

Jess said...

Praying for a healthy and safe delivery no matter how she makes her grand entrance! :)