Wednesday, May 22, 2013

The Time I Had Coffee with an FBI Agent

So yesterday, I had coffee with an FBI Agent. 

I'm not really sure what I'm allowed to share about this and what I'm not and after yesterday I am pretty terrified of the FBI...but the general back story is that I was called by an FBI Agent and asked to do an in person interview regarding an old friend who is undergoing a background check to get clearance for something that is clearly very important. I adore this individual and was frankly super curious, so I obliged. 

So yesterday, I drove to the Starbucks by my work to meet with Agent X, which is what I'll be calling him because I am certainly not going to share his name! Although, the name he gave me was probably not even his real name....or it was and I am making a way bigger deal out of this than necessary. Anyways, I was so curious and kind of excited, until I parked, then I got a little freaked out. What if this was all an elaborate plan to bust me and take me in for something I didn't actually do and will now have to somehow prove? But more realistically, how was I to know which guy was Agent X? I was really hoping he'd be in a black suit and sunglasses but highly doubted it. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to walk from table to table asking for Agent X and then I realized, DUH!, this guy probably has my photo and whole life story pulled up on his secret agent laptop and will definitely notice me.....which he did. Sneaky bastard. And, he was in fact wearing a black suit. No sunglasses though, which was a bummer. 

We take a seat at one of the tables and he flashes me his badge. His FRICKIN F-B-I BADGE! Then introduces himself as Agent X, describes his job, what he is doing, and then proceeds to recite some privacy act mumbo jumbo that went in one year and right out the other because I blacked out momentarily from disbelief of the situation. 

Then the interview started. Agent X very matter-a-factly asked me about my relationship with my friend, my friend's history, family, character, habits, hobbies, involvement with foreign countries, love for America etc. etc. etc. (that's not a joke.) Agent X literally rattled off each question one right after the other in such a serious matter that I was sure if I got tripped up I would be carried off to a padded room and be tortured until I answered the questions correctly. 

15 minutes of rapid fire questioning and I was done. Just another day in the life I suppose. Pretty uneventful but at least now I can say I've had coffee with an FBI Agent. 

I also have this strange feeling I'm being watched. 
Just Kidding. 
Kind of. 


P!nky said...

I've had to do those before and they are so cray with their memory right.

YOu wanna be honest but you also wanna help your friend get the job too!!!



Schnelle said...

Omg how nerve racking! I wonder if its a job with the government... I'd be so curious too but also pretty intimidated with all of his seriousness.

Katie Hall said...

Whoa!! I am super curious about this! How crazy.

Jess Beer said...

I had to do this for a friend too! The "do they love America" questions crack me up!

Christelle said...

Such a cool experience!! I would've been a nervous wreck, hoping I didn't say something to ruin my friend's chance! LOL!

Ruthie Hart said...

holy moly I would be nervous!

Kelly B. said...

bahaha! This cracked me up. M's mom works for the federal gov't, and we have a few friends that do, too.. so we've had some experience with this type of thing. I'm so easily awe struck, though... especially with high ranking attorney's. One of my prof's in law school was chief counsel for the CIA at one point and I'm still all "OMG THAT IS SO COOL!" like a school girl.

This reminded me.. I should do a post about the time that we partied with secret service agents, unknowingly, during the Republican National Convention. hahaha.

Carolyn said...

BAHAHAHAHAHA! I love that he was really wearing a black suit.

ajs {of MN} said...

hahaha this is funny b/c one of our best friends is in the FBI as well and when he was applying for his FBI position my hubby and i were BOTH interviewed, individually, as well.

i had an FBI Agent X come into my office, sit with me asking much of the same stuff. i like to make jokes and make ppl laugh but this was NOT cool in this situation- i was SO nervous, and def could have posted about how much a spaz i was too! hahaha ;)

i hope your friend gets the clearance, based on your answers ;)

~Dawn~ said... suit and all!

Becky Borgman said...

I love the way you tell this story!

Nat said...

Love this!! My husband works right next to the FBI building in DC so he's always seeing agents come and go, but he's always convinced they're working on some crazy top secret thing. We probably both make a bigger deal out than it really is.

Curly Girl Confessions said...

This is great! I have a top secret clearance and a few of my closest went through the same thing. As scary as it is, I was so thankful they each obliged so I could continue with a career. Great story to tell your children. :)

Kelly said...

Ummmmmmm YEAH. I would have felt THE EXACT WAY TOO. I would have been SO worried that they'd end up busting me for that one time I shoplifted a pair of $3 sunglasses from Walmart with my best friend during our senior year of high school (yeaaaaah...) ;-)

And then I probably would have over-analyzed EVERY answer that I was giving-- was it what they wanted to hear? Would it be how my friend would want me to answer?? Etc!!

I'm always SO nervous around those types of people. Super fun story to have though!!

Kristin said...

and he probably read this! ha