Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Mom Envy

Is this the truth or what?! 

Being a mom is a tough business. Whether you have one kid or five. Whether you work full time or stay at home. Whether you're a single mom or have a huge support system. No matter the situation being a mom is maybe the most gloriously difficult thing in the world. 

I think what really makes motherhood hard is that it's not set in stone. Yes, we all know your baby shouldn't use a knife as a teething toy but for the most part there isn't a right or wrong. There is so much second guessing! This would all be so much easier if it were black and white. Right? Give me a strict set of rules so I don't mess this up. You hear your friend brag about how great their baby sleeps and wonder - what am I doing wrong? Or someone celebrates 12 months of breastfeeding and you're still mourning the fact you only made it 6 months. Maybe you see a 5 month old with four teeth and your 8 month old still has grandpa gums.  And don't even get me started on the moms who are below their pre-pregnancy weight a week after giving birth and are already sipping on a decaf latte while nursing with one arm and pushing a stroller with a two-year-old in it with the other, all while wearing head-to-toe Lululemon, glistening with a perfect tan, in full makeup and with soft romantic curls in her luscious hair. 
As moms I think it's really hard for us to NOT compare ourselves to other moms. Her birth was so much easier than mine. Her baby is so much calmer than mine. Her nursery is cuter. Her maternity clothes are cuter. She only gained 10 pounds. Her husband is so perfect. As more and more of my friends are joining me on this crazy journey called Motherhood the more I find myself second guessing myself. How weird is that? Shouldn't I be surrounded by even more support now that my friends can relate to all the mom-stuff I'm going through? 

But guess what people? I don't care who you are. How skinny you are. How much money you have. How well adjusted your baby is...you've got something. You may not share it. You may put up a front. But there is something. There's no way you can tell me there is a single mom in the world that doesn't have a battle scar of some kind - maybe not a physical scar but an emotional scar. A mental scar. And that's not to say it isn't worth it. It is worth every stretch mark or sleepless night. I have no doubt that most mamas would do it all over again for their little loves. I think it's safe to assume that we all have good days and we all have bad days as a mom. And when you're having a bad day you should be able to talk to your mom friends about it without feeling like a failure or like they are better than you. 
I try really hard to be open and honest both on this blog and when talking to my friends, because what's the point in sugar coating it? It doesn't help me and it doesn't help my friends asking for help or advice. I am more than happy to tell anyone and everyone about the incredible blessing my daughter is. And I love to brag about what a great sleeper she is and how cute she is and how she is without a doubt the smartest 11 month old to ever crawl the planet. BUT, I am also happy to share the struggles. How I have a hard time finding balance. How I had a miserable time the first month. How bells palsy sucks. How mastitis sucks. I could go on and on and on for days. 
I guess the only real point to this super random post is that us moms need to stick together - the good, the bad, the ugly. We've all been there. We all have our moments. Our days. We all have the ups and we all have the downs. So let's be honest with ourselves and each other and ask for help when we need. Vent when we need. And feel OK about bragging every once and a while too {it's the small victories people!}

OK mamas. Have a great day! 


Jess Beer said...

So, so true. Hang in there, Mama - I think you're doing a great job. Remember, there's so many of us here for support if you need it!

The Bennetts said...

AMEN! I couldn't agree with you more on this one, Kristin! I too have often times found myself second guessing what I'm doing and comparing my daughter to other kids her age. No matter how many times people say not to compare your child to another I do - I think we all do.

You're a fantastic mother and don't let anyone every tell you or make you think differently!

Bridget said...

So so so true. My bestie and I had this discussion a month back because we feel so down on ourselves becuase we've been comparing ourselves to everything we see on social media/blogs/society. Each day I try so hard to not let those affect me and know that as long as my baby is healthy and happy, then all is good in the world. I don't care that I didn't get to make his first halloween costume or that the house is once again looking like a tornado went through. Turner could give a rats ass about those things...he just needs/wants his mama to hold him and love him!!! Great post Kristin...all moms need to be reminded of this!!!

Jill Esteban said...

I love this! Thank you so much for posting!

Curly Girl Confessions said...

I am so nervous about this being we are having our first kiddo in a couple of months. One of my dear friends is having hers in FEB and she already compares everything in her life. I am not one to compare, but I can only imagine how that will change when I have our baby boy.
On a different topic, what did you decide with the flu vaccine? Did you get one when you were pregnant and did you receive the pertussis vaccine when you were pregnant? We are getting pushed towards this and I am battling my gut right now!

Caroline said...

I can totally relate. Love you!

Nat said...

I had to stop reading blogs for a bit when my son was first born bc suddenly it seemed like everyone was doing it the right way and I was clueless!! Thankfully I feel better now and don't let them stress me out or get me down

Katie @ yellowmangolife.blogspot.com said...

So true! Motherhood is HARD. I don't care who you are, you will compare you and your baby and that sucks. As much as I wish I didn't, I do. But I do know that I'm lucky to have had the pregnancy, childbirth and the most amazing {almost} two years with my baby boy....and as perfect as other's lives may seem? I wouldn't change one little bit of mine to be them. Enjoy every minute!

Confessions of a Northern Belle said...

This post is awesome and something I know I am going to need to come back to in about 6 months. I already compare myself to other wives...now that I am going to be a Mom, oh boy.

Kate said...

I agree. The last thing I ever want to do is judge or compare, but I'm only human. I haven't lost 1 single pound in 2 months. As a matter of fact, I freaking GAINED weight. How is that even possible?! So much is a struggle and sometimes I just want to stop reading blogs b/c most moms sugar coat everything, but then I remember that we are all human. As are our babies. Whether we "put it out there" or not, we all have our shit. We should be celebrating each others triumphs instead of comparing ourselves to them... it's hard though.......

Megan said...

Great post! I don't have kids yet, but I think this is great advice. Everyone struggles. No one is perfect. So why put up the front? Awesome post! I will probably be sharing this with a few Moms that I do know!

Anonymous said...

Well done... says a proud mama!
xo m

Schnelle said...

Well said! I could agree with you more here. Thanks for always keeping it real, that's what I love about you and your blog:) That ecard is SO relatable, it seriously made me lol.

ajs {of MN} said...

ok annnnd i am all caught up! i cant even begin to tell you how HAPPY i am to read this post, and TODAY!

we have had a TERRIBLE TWOs week around here. my hubby gets home from work, i utter THANK GOD and then "clock out from my office" and count the minutes until bed- it's just been one of those weeks, we have the sweetest little girl, but i swear she is SO not herself and i just have to keep telling myself that it will pass... it will pass... it always does. (we have had two great days in a row now this week) but anyway.... i love the honesty in this post and being a working from home mom... i dont have a ton of same boat mommy friends to vent with... and i ALWAYS think i am doing everything wrong and not being a good mom (i hate that!)

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