Tuesday, June 24, 2014

When You're Not the Favorite

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I'm 19 months in to my relationship with Kenley and so far I think we're doing an awesome job at this mother/daughter thing. We have our little games, she's my coffee, target, walking, pool buddy and I love her more than anything in the world. And she loves me too. I know she does. BUT, Jason is her favorite. 
On the one hand, it makes me really happy. Kenley adores her daddy and he adores her right back. When I was pregnant, I actually was worried that maybe Jason wouldn't bond with her as much because she was a girl - but I was very wrong. The relationship these two have is so special and it makes me really proud. I pray they are always close. 

And then there's the other hand, the hand that's like "um, hello, what about me?" All day long it's "dad, dad, dad, dad." Jason claims she says "mom" a lot when I'm not home, but I find it very hard to believe she says "mom" half as much as she says "dad". But it's more than just how much she says our names. For example, last week at dance {yes, Kenley is in dance, more on that another time} we had a little meltdown situation so I went in to the class to comfort her and dance with her. What does she do? She runs to the door and cries her face off yelling "DAD". So I spent the rest of class in the hall watching her through a window while Jason was in the class with her. It broke my heart. 

The baby responsibilities fall more heavily on the mama (at least they do in our house) and I'm OK with that. Being a mama to Kenley is the best job in the world and while it's a lot of work, I don't mind it one bit. But it makes it hard when I feel like I do so much for her and all she wants is her dad (not saying that Jason doesn't do a lot, because he really does, but you know what I mean).  I try not to let it bug me, but sometimes it just straight up hurts.  

Has anyone else experienced this?

I know that we are bonded. I know we will have an incredible relationship always. I know her favorite will shift throughout the years (and eventually be based on who lets her stay out later and who hands over the car keys easier). And I know I'm probably being too sensitive about it. But, I wanna be the favorite!





15 comments:

Jessica said...

So, right now, it's the opposite in our house. With my son, it's clear that I'm the favorite. Caleb loves his Daddy SO much, but when he reaches for someone, it's always me. However, I know that these days are numbered - in just a couple of years, I know that Caleb will think my husband is an absolute superhero and will want to do absolutely everything with him. So, I am soaking up this time while I can, with full knowledge that one day, I definitely won't be the favorite (at least with my son!) Maybe it will be the same for you guys - Kenley adores Daddy now, but will be closer with you when she gets a bit bigger! I think that's totally normal!:)

P!nky said...

This makes me think of the quote from 'Honey I Blew Up The Kid'...

"Daddies mean fun, mommies mean business"!

I can imagine the feeling, but don't let it bother you too much. Easier said than done though, I totally get.

Jess Beer said...

Abbie goes back and forth. Sometimes she's having a Mommy Day, and others are Daddy Days. Just kind of depends on her mood. I totally get why it bothers you, but try not to let it!

P.S. Abbie totally looks out the window and says "mama" when I'm not home for a little while - Chris has taken video of it. I definitely think that's true of Kenley too!

WinterBenson said...

Yeah, we're in the same boat. Harper only says Mama when she's mad or hurt. She goes around the house all day and points at photos of Casey and says daddy. And she only ever gives him kisses. None for me. BUT. When I pick her up from her babysitter after work, she drops what she's doing and runs to me with a hug. Then she's over it...but I'll take that one hug! Haha...Oh well. I attribute it to the fact that I'm the one who always has to tell her no. Casey works a lot more than me, so he rarely has to (though he does). I am grateful that they have a special bond though...even if it makes me feel a little left out.

Carolyn said...

Dude. I get it. Weston hasn't picked his favorite yet (and it better be me!) but I totally get wanting to feel like your kid's most loved person.

~Dawn~ said...

Alexa is 100% a Daddy's girl...no doubt, those two are inseparable and she thinks he's the greatest thing that ever existed. She begs him to go on her school field trips with her because he's the 'cool dad' and always wants to snuggle him during family movie night. Thank goodness Lilli's a mama's girl, or I'd go crazy!! haha
But, I had the same kind of relationship with my dad when I was a kid and I want nothing more than to have my girls share that same bond with Adam.

Unknown said...

Don't worry when Kens is 11 she will like you best. You may want her to switch to daddy at that time. Stay the course and watch what happens!! xo m

Liz @ Fitness Blondie said...

Aw this is cute, but I understand how you feel, too. When I was a baby, I was latched to my dad, even as I was a toddler/child too. But let me tell you, when the teen years hit and even know, I am a COMPLETE mama's girl. She's my best friend and I love her more than words can say. I think that happens for a lot of girls too. And like some of the girls above me said, "dad is play time. mommy is serious time and means business". So when Kenley does see dad she affiliates that. BUT let me tell you, let mama go away for a week and see what happens ;-) ;-)

Confessions of a Northern Belle said...

Is it bad that I fear this will be me talking someday? Annabelle lights up when her Daddy walks in the room and I feel like chipped beef. But then if I leave and come in the room, she goes wild. Hopefully it is just a stage for little K!

katie said...

Leo doesn't seem to have a clear favorite yet -- he snuggles more with me and calms down easier with me, but oh my god, that kid's face lights up like nothing else when he sees his papa, and Jake makes him laugh more than anyone. Give and take, I guess!

storiesfromatx.com said...

My daughter is about the same age and has preferred daddy since she was about 9-10 months. My husband pretty much knows that when he gets home, he's the primary parent because she will NOT leave his side. It's probably a good thing, since I've got #2 coming along in about 4.5 months (ANOTHER girl who I'm sure will love daddy more), at least she has someone else she's super duper attached to.

J and A said...

Awe I feel for you. Right now D is all about me cause I have the boobs. But it breaks Js heart that she only wants me so I am sorta happy to hear that might change a bit and she will want him more. But I am SO sure it will also break my heart then too!! So tough.

AllThingsYummy said...

My daughter is 17 months and is starting to show signs of this. She says daddy all day long and lights up when he comes home. My friends warned me this would happen but I know I'll be sad when she starts to run to him before me to be comforted. It's wonderful though to know your daughter and mine are so happy and loved.

ajs {of MN} said...

avrie has a new favorite each day, its almost like she plots and picks one of us to be on her side aka partner in crime for the day! i love when she needs me but wants her daddy too. kenley and jason are such a sweet pair!

Ashley @ Life on the Parsons Farm said...

I hear ya 100% I wanna be the favorite too!!!