Wednesday, October 1, 2014

breaking point

This is one of those sit at the keyboard and let it all out kind of posts, so I apologize if it does not flow or isn't grammatically correct. I assure you I haven't been drinking, just need a way and a place to clear my head. 

I've recently had one of those days moms joke about, ya know the ones where all you want to do is lock yourself in the bathroom with a pint of gelato and cry/ignore everyone and everything.

It was a perfect storm of chaos and frustration that has been building up for a while. 

For one, I have a two-year-old. Kenley is a great kid and I am so proud of how well-behaved and self-sufficient she is. However, she is two. She needs to be entertained, she knows what she wants, and she doesn't yet understand that she doesn't always get everything she wants right when she wants it. She is also very much testing the waters to see what she can and cannot get away with. I love her SO MUCH! And love spending time with her SO MUCH! But sometimes being the mama of a toddler is taxing and tiring!
Once upon a time some kids did as they were told and their Mommy didn't have to lose her shit and drink wine out the box before noon... ;p

Additionally, this two year old has a lot of stuff. And I have a lot of stuff. And Jason has a lot of stuff. Our townhouse is not all that big and it seems that our stuff just keeps multiplying and expanding and taking over. I find myself getting easily overwhelmed by the mess and the clutter. 

On top of that I am working multiple "mini-jobs" as I like to call them. I love what I am doing and love the mix of out-of-house-work and working-from-home but I don't have a schedule. Every week is different, in fact every day is different. Combine that with the fact that Jason is in sales and has a very varying schedule along with relying on my busy family for her care when Jason and I are both working away from home makes me go a little nutty. I feel like I am doing all of these things and not doing any of them well. 

I have also lost all motivation to eat healthy & work out. I have not only been fluctuating between the same dang 5 pounds since June which is uber discouraging but I am totally an emotional eater so I've been making poor choices to cope with my inability to get my shit together. On top of that I have broken BOTH of the FitBit bands that came with my FitBit and my stupid Tory Burch one doesn't clasp right so it always falls off and therefore I am too afraid to wear it. I'm not making time to work out because I am just not motivated to do it. Meal planning has pretty much been out the window and therefore scrounging and eating random crap has become the norm around here.

All my goals, plans, ideas, etc. seem to just be slipping because I am too overwhelmed by the big picture and just shut down as a result. 

As I read this back, I realize I sound like I am both complaining and making a ton of excuses, but that certainly is not my intent. I LOVE my life. This is me just finally hitting that breaking point and realizing that I need to do something to make this lifestyle work for me and my family so that I don't get so easily stressed and overwhelmed. Like I mentioned a couple weeks ago, I am bad at baby steps, but figuring out how to implement some baby steps and every day habits to work towards an overall goal of not being a basket case just needs to happen.
Me to a T.

side note: I added the ecards after writing the post and found all of them in one of my Pinterest boards. If you have a "Funnies" board where you keep all the funny stuff you come across, go look at it after a rough day! It totally helps! 

I will leave you with this because it has absolutely NOTHING to do with this post or my life but made me laugh out loud for like 5 straight minutes. 

Chicken Strip
"Chicken Strip"


Jenn said...

I think everyone, kids or no kids, hits a breaking point with things. Kids just happen to enhance that haha. It sound like you needed some time to "let it out" in order to feel a little bit better. It happens! Don't beat yourself up over it--the best part is you're getting it out, recognizing things, and moving forward. Don't let yourself get STUCK....and tell yourself, ITS OK!!

Jess Beer said...

Oh honey. It happens, and I totally get it. Hopefully we can help each other out! Also, do you wear a small or large fitbit band? I have a few smalls that will NEVER fit my enormous wrists that I can send you if you need one! Text me if you need to vent. Seriously. <3

~Dawn~ said...

Oh, wow....I've totally BEEN THERE!! I know you're not asking for advice, but I would suggest picking one thing...your work schedule, meal planning, getting back into a work out routine, cleaning house...ect. and getting one of those things to a point where you feel under control. For me, it's usually purging and cleaning the house. When my house is clean I somehow feel organized with everything in my life...and then everything else just falls into place. I also know how crazy these 'breaking points' can be...and tomorrow you could feel like you're ruling the world and you got all your shit together...hahaha

P!nky said...

Awww sweet friend, so sorry you're so frustrated. We all get there in life and I can only imagine what it's like with a kid. Just remember, you are amazing, your daughter is healthy and fabulous and sometimes we have to deal with the valleys to get to the peaks.

Venting is always a good thing, to look back and take stock in what needs to change so you can figure things out. I know you'll get there, I have complete faith in ya! xoxo

Kate said...

Woah, sounds like you've got A LOT on your plate! If I lived near you I'd bring you over a healthy dinner so that that 1 night, you don't have to think about meal prep :)

Erin LFF said...

I love you and think you are an absolute rockstar! Not many people could even survive some of the chaos you do... even if you feel like you are struggling, know that you are still an awesome wife, mom and friend! HUGSSS!!!

Michelle Levine said...

Awe dont be too hard on yourself and realize that there are plenty of people who have been where you are. I totally hear ya - i work a few mini jobs and on the eating good / work out motivation - I seem to have lost that this week :( I am trying to just do the whole , "take each day as it comes" deal and not look at the big picture and future but just live in the present and not think of the negatives but the positives today!

K said...

I know exactly how you feel! With all of it, but more so the exercise part. It's SO hard to find the time with all of the other stuff in daily life. I started the Shakeology from BeachBody because I at least knew that I was getting something good in my body for breakfast. And then I started the workouts because it was easy enough to fit them into my schedule. I'm totally struggling now, but still trying to truck through it! Hang in there! Hoping things calm down a little for you soon!

Morgan said...

Girl, I will read your complaints anyday. We all have/are there, it's hard shit being a mom and wife. Add a job on top of that-FML. Just do the best you can and remember, it's all a stage. I promise you will get to a point to organize, workout, eat better, etc. just do what you can, enjoy that little baby, and it will all work itself out.

Stacie said...

Ugh. I get it. That's why I can only post a few times a month these days. Being a working mom is hard. Well, being a mom period is hard...especially to a toddler. You don't even have to clarify that you love her and that you love your life--everyone knows that:) It is easy to feel guilty for being frustrated.

Maybe this will give a momentary laugh...

Katie @ said...

Let it all out sister! You are saying what most of us are feeling...we are right along with you! Keep that head up..and when you get down, if the chicken strip GIF doesn't work (that's funny sh*t btw), then just remember your teenie weenie in the weenie mobile! xo

Confessions of a Northern Belle said...

Just reading this post... and I have to tell you friend - that you're not alone! I think all Moms feel this way at some point, and the most important thing we can do is stick together. I hope you're doing better this week - that you're forging ahead and looking at that little beauty of yours for strength to get through those tough days!

Courtney B said...

Oh sweet momma... I'm sorry I'm so late to this post! I hope you're feeling much better (mentally) and are feeling a little more organized! It's okay to absolutely love your life but still have frustrations... we all do! I just want you to know that you're not alone and if I could, I would give you a BIG HUG right now!

Leah D said...

I took a major hiatus this summer because my life was spiraling out of control and I just felt like I needed to step away and take a break. I now realize that many bloggers did the same thing this summer and now I don't feel so bad about it. Yay for breaks!

ajs {of MN} said...

i am right there with you in working/entertaining a 3 year old and it being taxing and tiring... i think the other day i was in my car driving BACK to my moms after i was JUST there b/c i forgot to leave the carseat... long story short i was mentally beating myself up for "forgetting" something so important and then my phone rang, it was one of my best girl friends... it was literally all i need to quickly snap out of my funk. stress = turns me into a puddle. long story short, snap/text/call me next time you need anything... and the next time i need something i am asking you for a quick link to the chicken strip! HAHA

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